Tantra * Kama Sutra * Tantric Sex
For far too many women, sexuality is a battleground between the past and
the present. Touch and closeness trigger memories of past touch that was
wounding or, for those who've been violated, devastating. Centuries of
repression of the feminine make intimacy difficult for many women as
little of our natural, spontaneous and joyful sexuality remain.
Too often, our loved ones instilled fear and distrust of intimacy, a
realm where trust is essential. Even if a family's touch is healthy,
messages that separate us from our bodies abound in this culture where
intimacy is little understood. We struggle to own our sexuality again
and find our passion, or try to get by without it (who needs it anyway!)
to avoid the pain and confusion.
Having been wounded repeatedly myself, I found therapy not enough to
bring me home to myself. It helped heal the past wounds, but I still
didn't know how to create an adult sexuality or allow the deep
connection and soul contact I yearned for. Discovering the path of
Tantra over a decade ago allowed me to unravel the wounds from my body
and psyche and open to connecting sexually on my own terms. I discovered
my wholeness behind the wounds and felt initiated into arts that have
been lost since the ancient temples were taken from us.
Recovery from incest paralleled opening to a deeper sexuality and
releasing bonds that strangled my passion. Sometimes old emotions would
surface, but this ancient healing path that honors both the dark and the
light had space for my pain and anger. I was supported in healing by
those who also coaxed forward my goddess nature and full range of
expression. Being in a community of caring people gave me the sense of
heathy family nurturing my growth (finally!).
Sexual invasions, especially those in childhood split the psyche asunder
and create chaos and confusion in one’s sexuality. It is either blocked
off or open without boundaries, sometimes vacillating from one to the
other. This shows up in various ways: promiscuity or being shut down
sexually, being able to flirt and seduce but not sustain intimacy,
objectifying self and other, or rushing to get sex over with to return
to safer ground.
The survivor may strive to offer what is wanted, be who you think the
other seeks, and not be present, even to yourself, to know what you want
-- let alone ask for it. Serving as therapist with women recovering from
such wounds, I find that to fully release the dysfunctional pattern, one
must acquire new behaviors and attitudes, the kind that encourage and
allow healthy relationships.
Even women not overtly wounded come from a society that rarely teaches
relationship and communication skills, one that devalues emotional
intimacy while over-valuing facades. Women are told how to look and
behave, not taught how to fulfill their needs and satisfy their
longings. In ancient times, we were initiated in the arts of sustaining
sacred relationships in the safety of temples with trained priestesses
helping us open. I wanted to bring back such safe settings and the lost
arts of intimacy that ought to be natural.
I've felt drawn, and somehow assigned by Spirit, to help coalesce a
community of women engaged in discovering their true nature and entering
into a sacred, positive relationship with their sexuality. By learning
these tools in the safety of loving circles of women, each gains
positive mirrors while exploring her inner world and healthy uses of
I'm thrilled to see a community of women gathering around this work, for
reclaiming one's sexuality is a complicated, on-going process that needs
the support of sisters over time. Its a joy to see women blossoming
under the praise and caring of others as they learn ways of being that
allow sexuality to become the source of pleasure and connection it's
meant to be. Old coping mechanisms are dropped as more authentic ways of
connecting are adopted.
Single women find their sexuality no longer dependent on others or
determined by another's needs, as they become more beloved with
themselves. Sharing the practices within safe boundaries, women gain
experience in healthy ways to relate that make their next relationship
more fulfilling. Since they get some needs for touch and sensuality met
without having to be sexual, they’ll put less pressure on a future
partner to fulfill every need.
Couples doing the work together gain tools for moving beyond blocks and
revitalize their connection, accessing deeper passions and achieving
greater states of ecstasy. The practices are wonderful ways to achieve
altered states as well as full body, extended orgasm, either
energetically or physically.
Together we can take our sexual power back and discover ways home to our
bodies. Together we can reclaim full ownership of our sexuality and the
capacity to ask for and let in what we want. Together we can restore the
full power of the feminine and live within it. Blessed Be.